Difficult day

I'm giving myself a pass on all of the things I was supposed to do this afternoon. My house is still upside down and I just don't care right now. I feel bad for T when he's been working all day and comes home to this chaos, but I just don't have it in me.

I just had a horrible day emotionally. My grandmother (D - we don't call her Memere, so I'll just call her D here) is having some health issues and had a doctor's appointment here in Bangor. My Mom, Aunt B and Pepere came down for her appointment and Monkey and I joined them. Mom and Aunt B went in to speak to the doctor with D. So Monkey and I stayed in the waiting room to keep an eye on Pepere. He likes to walk and tends to just take off, so we couldn't leave him in the waiting room alone. Especially not in a strange town.

He obviously doesn't know Monkey. That's something I accepted the day I told them I was pregnant and he turned around and told D that it was too bad I wasn't married first (yes, the day that consumed our lives while preparing for it was no longer a memory for him--even though that's all he talked about for a year or more).

It's happened. So much sooner than I was ready for. He doesn't know me. At least, in that strange environment with just the two of us there, he had no idea who I was. He thought I was his niece for some time. It completely broke my heart and I nearly broke down right there in the waiting room. Even writing it out now is just so extremely painful.

This is the man that used to change my diapers. He used to cuddle on the couch with me. He used to take me to pick strawberries ("Look at the big F-ing berries!" - inside joke. D will get it and get a chuckle). And today he looked at me like I was a stranger.

This makes being 200 miles away so hard. So so very hard.

And on that note, I want to publicly thank everyone that has made a donation in support of the 2008 Memory Walk. Words can't tell you how very much I appreciate the support.