Monday, March 15, 2010

Life changes….

You can probably tell by now that something big is happening in my life when I’m quiet. 

Some of you who know me may already know this…  others probably don’t have a clue.  It’s not something I’ve ever really talked about..  it’s one of those really personal things that isn’t a secret..  just that I tried to not think about it. 

The abridged version: My mom had me young.  She didn’t stay with my biological father (who was also young).  When she married my dad when I was 4, they got my biological father to sign adoption paperwork and that was that.  He had never been involved in my life – but dad had always been there…  and at that age, I didn’t really fully understand everything going on.  At this point, it doesn’t really matter.  It is what it is. 

Last week, I got up one morning to find a Facebook notification in my e-mail inbox saying I’d received a message from Bio-F.  Shock, tears, complete emotional upheaval ensue. 

I didn’t know what to think.  I didn’t know how to feel.  I always knew he was out there – I guess I just didn’t expect him to be right here. 

After a few days of letting it sink in and a heart to heart with my dad, many long phone calls with my mom and even lots of talking it out with my “imaginary” friends online (different perspectives – and some of them have been in similar situations), I’ve found peace within again. 

God wouldn’t have brought him into my life for nothing.  Everything in life happens for a reason.  I may not be able to see why right now, but it doesn’t really matter.  Our experiences mold us, make us who we are.  We don’t stop growing once we become adults…  if anything, I’ve grown more (figuratively) as an adult than I did as a child.  And I wouldn’t have been emotionally ready to hear from him earlier.  I’m at a good place in life now.  I can handle this. 

We’ve been e-mailing back and forth – just getting to know each other.  It’s weird to see that though I’ve always said “Nurture over Nature”….  nature really was at play in my life anyways.  Guess where I got my love to cook?  Or how about liking to talk?  I’m sure we’ll uncover other things in common as time goes on.

Who knows where we go from here…  but at least there is peace.  We’ll cross that bridge when we get there.


gardenofsimple said...


My mom had me young as well. My bio father wanted nothing to do with us and my bio grandparents offered to pay for an abortion. My mother married the man who raised me when I was 2. He adopted me and he's the only father I've ever known. I've never met bio dad, and don't think I care to. He knows several of my family members and runs into some of them still (they live about 4 hours away)as far as I've been told he's never asked about me.

I saw a picture of him for the first time about 3 years ago.

I also have several half siblings by him. I don't know if they know about me, and I know almost nothing about them.

I've searched for him on social networks, but his name is pretty common and I don't know enough about him to narrow it down.

I think I would pass out if he ever contacted me. That has to be such a surreal feeling. I think you're right though - there are reasons for everything, even if the reason just ends up being closure.

I wish you (both) well on this, um - journey? Good luck? I'm not sure. I do understand though, so I hope things work out.

Jodi said...

Thank you. :-)

Gram said...

I truly believe that this will be a good thing.. because I wouldn't expect anything less from you... Its another twist in your life that won't erase anything about your past but might just enrich your future. I'm sending lots of love & support your way.

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