Friday, September 19, 2008

Difficult day

I'm giving myself a pass on all of the things I was supposed to do this afternoon. My house is still upside down and I just don't care right now. I feel bad for T when he's been working all day and comes home to this chaos, but I just don't have it in me.

I just had a horrible day emotionally. My grandmother (D - we don't call her Memere, so I'll just call her D here) is having some health issues and had a doctor's appointment here in Bangor. My Mom, Aunt B and Pepere came down for her appointment and Monkey and I joined them. Mom and Aunt B went in to speak to the doctor with D. So Monkey and I stayed in the waiting room to keep an eye on Pepere. He likes to walk and tends to just take off, so we couldn't leave him in the waiting room alone. Especially not in a strange town.

He obviously doesn't know Monkey. That's something I accepted the day I told them I was pregnant and he turned around and told D that it was too bad I wasn't married first (yes, the day that consumed our lives while preparing for it was no longer a memory for him--even though that's all he talked about for a year or more).

It's happened. So much sooner than I was ready for. He doesn't know me. At least, in that strange environment with just the two of us there, he had no idea who I was. He thought I was his niece for some time. It completely broke my heart and I nearly broke down right there in the waiting room. Even writing it out now is just so extremely painful.

This is the man that used to change my diapers. He used to cuddle on the couch with me. He used to take me to pick strawberries ("Look at the big F-ing berries!" - inside joke. D will get it and get a chuckle). And today he looked at me like I was a stranger.

This makes being 200 miles away so hard. So so very hard.

And on that note, I want to publicly thank everyone that has made a donation in support of the 2008 Memory Walk. Words can't tell you how very much I appreciate the support.


Osh said...

I'm so sorry

maine momma of 3 (formally: stayathomemommy from maine) said...

I don't know what to say but I'm sorry for you. Alzehimers is like a long term loss.

Given your day I think T will be fine with Not getting the house in order.

Try to have a great weekend!

Anonymous said...

Oh you did it . I couln't help but cry when i read this Please just think how much he loves you and remember the good times we had. We enjoyed seeing you Friday altho it was not an enjoyable day but, I know seeing you made my whole trip worthwhile seeing monkey and seeing her run to us with her arms wide open was so exciteing she is loveable and we love her with all our hearts and we love you too I will get a big picture of you and monkey and show it to pepere often so he will not forget you . Im sure he did NOT forget you cause he talks about you often. You are doing a good job with reciveing donations for the Alzheimer Walk
Thank you. Hugs & Kisses Love D

Anonymous said...

I am so sorry you've been going through this. Thinking of you and your family during this time and sending good energy your way!

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